stressed. thats all i am.
so much homework to catch up on.
work 5 days a week.
saturday morning garage sale shopping with my dad.
some time with my mom.
some time on the laptop.
some time with my step dad.
some time with friends.
plus i have to shower, sleep, clean, and wash clothes.
and im sick.
blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
help?

sorry i've been ill with the flu.
-not much for blogging./

tweak fell in the loo today.

ravishing violins talking me through it.

what do we call ourselves?

lovers or fighters?

swimmers or sinkers?

to live or to die?

is this what you really want out of your life?

to be scared.

to be afraid.

to be lonely.

i for one am not a fighter or a lover but a safe midpoint.

because everything about me has to be safe for some reason.

i cant have my door open.

i cant eat mashed potatoes in a styrofoam bowl.

i cant live a normal life where i dont feel self conscious.

i want to be mysterious.

thin.

lovely bones abroad.

its my whole desire.

but i cant do it all by myself, i'll be the first to tell you i need more help than a therapist can supply.

penny is poison and this life is abyss

i feel so helpless and lost.

i dont know what to do.

no one will ever see it.

i feel like death.

to bleed is to actually feel something...

real.

the pain.

feels nice.

it burns.

like snorting but better.

if i hated myself would that be so awful?

no one really cares.

i liked a guy.

there was no point though.

no point in even blogging about him,

because as much as i want something i can

never have it.

i need you god.

i need to know youre there.

im so lost in a deepening vase of drastic.

i just cant...

stand it. i want to be skinny, accepted, wanted, loved, adored, liked, pretty, someone who matters. im a fuck up and a nobody.

suicide

2 jobs. high school. drugs. friends. family.
so many commitmits. not enough time or money.